Ummm... that's uncomfortable....

Some days scripture was all I could write.  All I could do was run to His arms, opening and beckoning me to His word... I think that is exactly where He wants us all.  So, below you will find scripture after scripture that spoke to me during this time.  They were a balm to my soul.  I pray you would read each one and be comforted.  

Around this time, I started to realize that people were moving on and talking about my sweet Jack was starting to become uncomfortable.  Not for me, but for those around me.  I thought, really??  I mean... really?  It's a shame that we shy away from talking... talking about grief.  Talking about our loss.  Tomorrow is infant death awareness... did you even know there was such a day?  I read this quote and it spoke straight to my heart.  It would have back at this time in my journey, but even now, when I want to talk, this quote speaks to my heart.  Elizabeth Edwards, "If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and...that is a great gift."  You see, it was becoming uncomfortable for those around me, yet I still had to go through all the milestones of loosing my son and yet, now I couldn't speak of it, it seemed.  When I saw my son's name on his head stone for the first time, I broke.  I piece of me broke.  There it was for all to see... my baby's name on the ground forever in memorial to him.  I wanted to talk that day.  Who can I talk to on his 5th birthday?  Who can I talk to on the day he should start kindergarden?  Who can I talk to each time I think of my little man?  Will you be there to let someone talk without making it uncomfortable?  Will you be a safe place for someone?  Will you be a comfort from Jesus to someone who needs you?

5/15/07

Psalm 127: 3 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward.

5/24/07

Romans 8: 1 “Therefore there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

Romans 8: 6 “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God.”

Romans 8: 15 “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of son- ship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8: 24,25 “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait patiently.”

5/29/07 

Yesterday we got to go see Jack’s head stone for the first time…. Memorial Day. How fitting. It was so hard to see my little boy’s name there. I miss him so much!

It seems to me that people are getting to a place where they don’t want me to talk about Jack as much, but some will always let me. I miss my little boy! 

Ecclesiastes 11: 5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things."

Jeremiah 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” 

Psalm 41: 10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." 

Psalm 118: 25-29 “You are my God, and I will give you thinks; you are my God and I will exalt you. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” 

Psalm 55; 22 “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” 

Psalm 56: 3-4, 8, 11“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose work I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"  

“Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll- are they not in your record?”

“In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Oh, the Holidays...

Let's just say it aloud together because we all know it's true...holidays sometimes just plain suck for the grieving (yes, I meant to use that word, sorry!).  I remember my first round of them after losing Jack.  Each one brought the pain searing anew into my heart.  At the holidays we gather as family... celebrating Christ and one another.  Those who are missing are magnified, it seems.  But, praise be to the one who will one day make all things new and right.  His Word holds so much hope and joy for us.  

Mother's day was especially hard (as one can imagine!), but I was so very thankful for a church who recognized the mothers who had lost children.  What a sweet time.  A time to not have to explain the tears.  Not have to explain the heaviness of heart.  To not have to apologize.  To sit in a room with people and not have to be alone.  The pain doesn't get easier, but I felt such joy when 3 years later I was given the opportunity to help in that service and give comfort to other women just as God had given me comfort.  I pray that through this blog and through relationships I can honor God by doing just what He asks of me in 2 Corinthians.  To comfort others through the comfort I have received.  I pray you do the same as the holidays draw near.  Sit with someone who is grieving and let them grieve.  Let them talk... or not talk.  Let them feel.  Let them cry... or laugh.  Just let them be right where they are.  Just be there with them... let them be comforted.

5/14/07 

So, this past weekend was great and yet very painful. Friday night the church had a service for women who had lost children through miscarriage, abortion, or early infant death. It was a beautiful service and there were far too many women there.

Isaiah 61: 1-3 

“The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” 

2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 

“Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” 

Sunday was Mother’s Day. My first holiday and 1st Mother’s Day since Jack died. It hurt my heart. We had a baby dedication during the church service. It broke my heart to not have Jack there seeing all those little babies… it wasn’t about me and I was happy for all those parents, but my heart broke to not have Jack in my arms. When will the mourning end? My guess is not this side of heaven.