Some days all I could offer God was a simple prayer. Some days I saw my state and knew I had nothing else to offer. I knew I wasn't giving God all of me. I knew I was not dealing in grace and love and compassion. I knew that all I could do was take it to the Father, let Him cleanse me and do better tomorrow. In all of this, I don't want anyone to see a woman who each and every day found victory. Who each and every day graciously turned my eyes to His Word and was healed. Some days I couldn't. Some days I wanted to just sit in the pain. I found comfort in my pain. I know that sounds strange, but maybe it doesn't. I think we all have those days where we think it would just be easier to stay this way. To be forever sad. To be forever alone. To be forever attached to the pain. If the pain left, what would I have left of my sweet boy? If the pain was gone, would I start to forget? In those days all I knew how to do was to offer up repentance and thanksgiving to God. That may sound counterintuitive, but when all I want to see is pain, it's sometimes good to give thanks. Force myself to see all God had done... was doing. It's a simple prayer. It was all I had that day. But sometimes that's enough. I think God was blessed by the simple prayer of a hurting mother. Give Him what you have. He requires nothing less... nothing more. It reminds me of the call of Jesus in John 7:37 "On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink." Come. Just come. That's what He asks.
4/20/07Lord please forgive me for not always turning to you. For not having patience and grace for my husband and my son. For not always dealing in compassion with others. For doubting your sovereign plan for my life. For feeling like I deserve more.Thank you for your everlasting grace and joy. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for taking care of Jack and for lending him to me for 33 weeks. Thank you for Daniel and Luke.
No comments:
Post a Comment