I think sometimes in suffering, we can begin to think it is all about us. We think all this grief and struggling is happening to ME. It is MY struggle. It is MY burden. It is all about ME! I remember thinking when Jack died that it was all MY fault even. God had clearly chosen me to live a life of grief and struggle. I had lost a boyfriend, a good friend, a young cousin, an aunt, a close family friend, a grandparent and soon 2 grandparents and my father left me at a young age. I knew loss. I knew it well. Daniel, my husband, not so much. He had entered into MY suffering... an innocent bystander to... well... ME. You see, this hadn't happened to anyone but me in my eyes. It was MY child after all. I didn't think about the fact that it was HIS child too. That my mom and my in-laws lost a grandchild, my brothers lost a nephew, my son lost a brother, my neighbors lost a friend. We were all suffering and ultimately is wasn't about me and it wasn't even about them. It was about living in a fallen world. It was about living for the glory of God, not for my own. It was about showing the lost Jesus in the midst of my grief. It was about gaining perseverance for the glory of the Lord. It was about receiving comfort and then passing it along to others. It was about hope. Hope for a life spent with Him! You see, it really isn't about you. I don't mean that to be harsh... your pain is real... my pain is real. God cares deeply about that. He cares deeply about comforting you... He loves you. He will not leave you in your pain. He is actually going to use it for more... for others... for His glory. That should make you smile, my sweet friends. That should give you hope. So, cling to that hope and pass it on.
6/11/07
Philippians 2: 13“For it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
So my biggest struggle these days is that I see Jack’s death as “all about me.” I’ve lived the life of struggle, hardship and crisis. Daniel has not so much. But, since he has married me, he has had struggle after struggle and now even the death of his child. I feel sometimes like he has married into this life of struggles. I mean, I know we all struggle in a life of Christ, but his seems like something different to me. I can’t seem to work this one through. I am sure that the Lord has used my struggles and losses to strengthen me for this day and for the days to come. They have brought me perseverance.
2 Corinthians 4: 8,9“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
Romans 5: 3-5“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
2 Peter 1: 5,6“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness, and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.”
So, through my struggles, I have perseverance for this day and for my husband?
